yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
