Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize