is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
