I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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