Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
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