Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
