you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
