thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
