Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
