"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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