oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
