Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
