Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
