why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
