Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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