I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
