dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
