Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
