no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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