tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
