I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How naked do you want me to be?
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