dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
