I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
