i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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