He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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