Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
