you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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