At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
