So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
