her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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