I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
