he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
