But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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