OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
