i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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