I wanna passion pit in your ass
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
