Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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