And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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