Do vagina's smell?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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