I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
do herpes really smell.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize