I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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