UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
