It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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