You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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