Everything about him screamed your future.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
