You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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