I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
