It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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