she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have fence marks all over my body
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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