Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
