I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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