yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
