I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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