yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
