You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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