Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
