I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
