Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
