paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
