Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
