she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
