How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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