i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize