Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
