one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He passed out mid-signature
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
