so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
