Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
