We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
