put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
