how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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