You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
