I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
