Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
