i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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