And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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