I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
