You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
