Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
People in love make me want to vomit
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
