I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize