none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
