dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
