If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Naked. naked and bneed help.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
