Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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