in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
