carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
