You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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