this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
