We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
