First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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