i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i will never coherently bang her
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
