She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
