You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
