Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
