Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
