i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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