i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
