i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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