atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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