I just made out with a guy for $7.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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