Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
