there was a trapeze. enough said
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
