there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
