My room smells like vodka and shame
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
