He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
