just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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