Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
