This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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