I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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