Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also, beer. Big fan.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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