I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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