I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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