just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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