The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
