Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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