Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
