haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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